Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
