Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
