are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
