someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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