wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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