How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
