haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
