I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
