I have demons in me.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
