He uses pillows to masturbate.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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