mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
