She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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