I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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