We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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