I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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