Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The dick lei will go down in squad history
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
