I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
