fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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