i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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