ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
