Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
