he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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