She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
