I think scott just propositioned me for sex
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize