Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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