Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
