Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
