Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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