Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
