Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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