I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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