I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
