I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
