If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
