"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
