the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
