So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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