She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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