Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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