i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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