God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
love makes seman taste better
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
