my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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