Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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