Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
