the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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