Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
