apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
