Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Randomize
