Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
