yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
