I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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