you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I got inside last night via doggy door
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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