i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
