We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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