Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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