That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize