There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
