Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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