ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
