Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize