i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
