My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
