i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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