A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
