im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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