If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
