just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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