My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize