the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
