More tranny stories later!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
