Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize