people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
