Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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