shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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