I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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