Got a toothbrush?
Do you still have your period?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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