Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
