I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
