who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I can't turn off my feet"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
