Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize