I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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