Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
