I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
