There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
