she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
