oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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