so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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