I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
