He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize