While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
