So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
