sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
