im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
These tits shall not be calmed
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
