The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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