I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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