thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize