they need to just BURY HIM!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
